Can a relationship between a Thai bar girl and a farang work? Well I guess that depends on the girl you have decided to take up with and what life choices she has made for herself.
Many girls who earn their living from bars in the likes of Pattaya, do come with a rather tarnished reputation. Many have what is known as sponsors, who for reasons unknown only to themselves, go home and continue to send the girl money, often a small fortune. The girl may have more than one sponsor if she is good at reeling people in and convincing them she is madly in love with her latest conquest. She will juggle them and hope that they never arrive to spend their vacation at the same time as one of the others.
This is the reality of many girls in cities such as Pattaya and you must be away of the consequences if it goes pear shaped.
Of course, these sort of girls continue to work away in the bar or Go-Go club but tell the boyfriend she is at home and her heart pines for the day he returns to see her. And they can be ever-so convincing. I mean how could such a sweet innocent, beautiful loving girl tell such lies?
But ask yourself this simply question. Why would this gorgeous girl who is half your age, want to spend her life with an ageing man, who may be overweight, bald and way past his sell by date? You are not the sexy man you are convinced you are. This is just a lie to win you over and open your bank account for her benefit.
If you are unfortunate enough to fall for one of these girls, your relationship is doomed from the start and nothing you can do will change that. She is only interested in your money; basically how much she can drain from your salary each month. She will tell you whatever you wish to hear. She loves you so much or you are so handsome or you are the best lover she has ever had. But its all bull and you should be wary of being taken for a ride in more ways than one.
The girl you have fallen for has made a living from this routine long before you arrived in Sunny Pattaya. She has spent most of her adult life manipulating farangs, taking every penny she can get from them. All she has ever known is how to lie to achieve her goals – so what makes you think you can change all that?
Warnings signs are there for all to see. When you are apart, will she do a video call, to show you where she is? If not – she is not in her village as promised but in the bar where you met her, looking for her next victim.
How many bank accounts does she possess? How many sim cards has she got or even how many phones are in her handbag, some switched off when you are there? Another classic is multiple Facebook accounts. This is so you cannot see her past life with other men.
She may even have a Thai boyfriend or husband, who is happy to see her sleep with others, if she is making more money than he can.
Now it has to be said that not all Thai girls are like this. There are some lovely ladies out there, who are seeking nothing more than to improve their lifestyle, possibly living or marrying a farang partner.
There are lots of foreigners who are happily married and have been for many years. So it is not all doom and gloom when it comes to bar girls. Even if you have met one of the good ones and you are in a relationship with her, you still have to have an understanding of what is important to her.
Firstly, she may be the loving girl you set your heart on but the reality is, she is very much money orientated. She has an obligation to send money to her parents and nothing will change that. So expect to have to make that regularly monthly donation to support the family. This is Thai life – get used to it.
If you ask her to choose between you and her family, guess which one will win? It will not be you.
She could also be extremely jealous and possessive. Remember you met her in a bar. So letting you out in Pattaya alone, where there are literally thousands of ladies trying to seduce you, is not likely to be acceptable to her. She wants to ensure you are not seeing other ladies and to do that – she has to be at your side whenever possible.
So living with a former bar girl is not easy at times. You have to accept her past, and let it go or it will eat you up and destroy you. Yes she was a bar girl but if she is now your woman, then let the past go.
If you struggle dealing with her jealousy, your relationship is unlikely to last.
Another problem that you must deal with is other people. Many of your friends and family will never let you forget that the love of your life was once a bar girl. These people have narrow minds and should realise that there is decent people working in the bars here, who are basically doing what they need to do, simply to survive. Not every female is rotten to the core so to speak.
Now in the event that you have met this wonderful girl, set her up in a condo or she has promised to go back to the village while you are back home for three months, then have some ground rules that must be obeyed.
If you phone her three times and she does not answer – she is probably up to no good. Thai girls spend half their life on their phones. If she is not responding, there is a good reason for it, like she is in bed with someone else.
If she continually talks about money, this is not a good sign. Do not be her ATM or she will clean you out.
Most good girls will be happy that you have provided a nice place for her to live with a bed, so she isn’t sharing a room with four other girls and sleeping on the floor.
Again, a good partner will be happy if you are giving her between 5000 and 10,000 baht per month. She can send money home easily on that sort of cash.
Some people believe that to find a really nice Thai girl, you need to visit places like Surin or Roi Et. That way you are meeting girls who have no knowledge of bar work.
Others will tell you that good girls do not have tattoos. Almost every bar girl does – but not all. Whether that is a factor when deciding to date the girl or not, remains to be seen.
The choice of whether you see the girl you picked up in a bar again, has to be up to you. You have to make that decision. Sometimes you will get it right and others you will be sadly out of your depth in the grips of a conniving leech, who will fleece you for all she can get.
Let’s hope that you find the girl of your dreams and that she makes you happy.
The golden rule of thumb is simple. If it’s all about the MONEY – get out fast.